


What Once Was Lost

by 5a5b5p5



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Ex-bestfriends, Fluff, M/M, Making things right, Neil is a YouTuber, Non graphic smut, POV Andrew Minyard, and an influencer, healing relationship, it’s all very soft, maybe .1 ounces of angst, we are all Machu Picchu stans in our hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25637719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5a5b5p5/pseuds/5a5b5p5
Summary: Andrew’s life is boring, but he’s never been one for adventure.Not like one Neil Josten, who is currently thriving with over 4 million followers on Instagram and 2.5 million on YouTube, still traveling, still with people who are not Andrew.Andrew wouldn’t be surprised if Neil has forgotten all about him, eight years of friendship be damned.Or: How Neil and Andrew travel the world together and try to fix their broken friendship, and maybe discover a little more along the way.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 52
Kudos: 433





	What Once Was Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my second ever fic and I’m very excited about it! Buckle up for 10k of healing, fluff, and friendship :)

From the age of ten to the age of eighteen, Andrew Minyard had a best friend named Neil Josten.

They had met on the first day of fifth grade, when Andrew and Aaron were just getting used to living with their adoptive mother, Bee. Neil himself had just moved to the area, and was adapting to living a normal life with his uncle.

Andrew rememberers the day they met the way that Andrew remembers everything— in complete detail. He remembers Aaron getting teased by an older kid on the playground, and he remembers how he had stepped in with promises of protecting his brother. Andrew had been about to do something that surely would have gotten him in trouble, when a random new kid had stepped in between him and the bully. Neil had effectively called out the bully so thoroughly and ruthlessly that to this day Andrew remains impressed.

The bully had run off crying, and Aaron had run off to his friends. Neil had latched himself onto Andrew after that interaction, and eventually, Andrew had latched right back.

The rest, as they say, was history.

Neil and Andrew had remained inseparable for eight years. They had navigated through both middle and high school together. They had become permanent guests at the others house for days at a time, and perfected the best way to sneak into each other’s rooms. They had discovered themselves together.

Those memories hurt to think about now, though. They hurt because Neil is no longer in Andrew’s life; he hasn’t been for a few years now.

If someone were to ask Andrew when he and Neil Josten had stopped being best friends, he wouldn’t know the answer.

He supposes that the slow decay of their friendship had begun the day they graduated high school. As a child, Neil had traveled a lot with his uncle Stuart. Sometimes Andrew had even joined them when Bee had the money to spare. There are a few polaroids shoved into an old shoebox in Andrew’s closet from those times. Pictures of them that Stuart had taken, and some they had taken themselves. There’s one of them in front of the Eiffel Tower from when they were eleven, heads knocked back against the other’s, red and gold intwining themselves, the photo slightly blurry from Neil’s tiny clumsy hand

They had recreated the photo when they had gone on another trip when they were seventeen. It had been the last trip they went on together before they began to really grow apart. They had managed to pose in almost the exact same way: heads together, photo unsteady, leaning back onto each other like they both trusted the other wouldn’t let them fall.

Most of the time though, Neil would go with Stuart without him. He had always loved travel, and he would usually be gone for a few months out of the year.

The day Andrew and Neil had graduated high school together, Neil had made a decision to take a trip around Europe. Andrew knew that Neil wasn’t going to be attending college with him and Aaron, but he had been under the impression that he and Neil were going to be spending the summer together.

Things had started to unravel then, Andrew thinks.

He had been angry when Neil had told him about his impromptu trip, refusing his invitation to join him. Andrew had needed to stay in town to get himself and Aaron settled into college life, and Neil had known that when he made the plans. Andrew had not been particularly kind during their parting.

Needless to say, they didn’t speak much during Neil’s trip. Andrew had stayed in town and watched Neil thrive without him in countless countries, posting on Instagram, gaining followers, and making an Andrew-less life for himself.

When Neil had finally returned a few months later, he had come back to Columbia to help the twins move into their dorm. With him he had brought endless stories of his travel, and while Andrew had been truly happy for him, he had also been bitter hearing Neil talk about the new friends he had made.

Neil had stayed with Andrew for a few weeks, but things had clearly changed between them. Their conversations were no longer effortless, and they eventually stopped having them at all.

Before Andrew knew it, Neil had been off for another trip, and Andrew had solidified his theory that Neil was better off without him.

They began to call each other less and less, as Andrew became busy with school and Neil became bigger on Instagram, until one day, they had just stopped calling altogether.

Andrew’s moved on obviously. He and Aaron have just graduated college, and now Aaron is off to med school as Andrew starts his new job as an editor for shitty novels and children’s books, attempting to write on the side.

His life is boring, but Andrew’s never been one for adventure.

Not like one Neil Josten, who is currently thriving with over 4 million followers on Instagram and 2.5 million on YouTube, still traveling, still with people who are not Andrew.

 _Yes,_ Andrew thinks as he closes his laptop after staring at an empty doc for twenty minutes, _completely over Neil Josten._

_~_

Andrew gets a letter in the mail, which is the first red flag.

Who sends _letters_ anymore? Any work-related mail would go through his email, and the people he cares about simply text him.

The second red flag is that the letter had no sender; just a shitty generic return address from somewhere in LA.

The third red flag is that the letter is from Neil Josten.

Andrew knows this because he spent eight years of his life forging Neil’s handwriting for school forms he’d forgotten to sign or copying homework he’d never done. Andrew would know that messy scrawl anywhere, even after all these years.

The letter itself is concise, just like Neil never was. It reads:

_Andrew, I know you’re going to be less than happy to hear from me, so I figured I would have to contact you in a way that’s hardest to ignore. I harassed Betsy until she gave me your address. Anyway, I’m going on a two month long trip from August to October, and I want you to join me, just like old times. I want to make things right between us. Tickets from your airport are enclosed in the envelope, if you decide this is worth a try. I hope you will at least consider. I miss you. Neil <3_

Andrew stares at the words until they begin to blur together, fingers numbly pulling another paper out of the envelope. A plane ticket from Columbia airport to LAX. A week from today.

He sets the papers back down on his kitchen table gently, trying to piece together his thoughts. Never in a million years had Andrew expected to hear from Neil Josten again, much less receive a _letter_ from the man. Neil has always been perhaps the most stubborn human being he’s ever met, and he’s never the one to break first, even in something that isn’t necessarily a competition. Andrew has to acknowledge the fact that it probably took a lot out of Neil for him to send this letter.

Andrew would be lying if he told himself that he doesn’t want to see Neil. He honestly doubts that a single day had gone by where Andrew hadn’t thought about his former best friend, and while Andrew likes to think that might be contributed to the fact that Neil seems to post on Instagram _literally_ every single day, he knows deep down that it’s not.

Andrew had never turned off post notifications for Neil’s Instagram, which is telling enough within itself.

Andrew sits at the table for a few more minutes before he’s able to force himself to get up and drink some hot chocolate. He watches a YouTube video that is pointedly _not_ Neil’s new vlog while he drinks it, and goes to bed without moving the papers from the table.

~

Over the next few days, Andrew talks a lot more than he usually does. He talks to Aaron, he talks to Bee, he talks to his therapist. Andrew even talks to _Nicky_ for God’s sake.

They all have a lot to say. Aaron tells him about his life in med school with Katelyn, and when he finally asks about Andrew, it’s obvious he’s expecting the same answer as always— _nothing._ The strangled noise his brother makes when Andrew says Neil Josten’s name is almost worth the impending rant he launches into. Aaron and Neil had liked each other well enough back when they were kids, and while Andrew and Neil never really had a ‘falling out’, Aaron had taken on the roll of protective brother when Neil had left all the same.

Andrew half-listens to Aaron’s rant about Neil, wishing he had called Bee first, and he chalks Aaron’s response up to a simple _no_ vote.

Andrew calls the people with more sense, next.

Bee and his therapist both give Andrew long winded reasons why they think this trip would be good for him. He doesn’t mention it to Nicky.

Ultimately, though, the choice is up to Andrew, and he’s having trouble making it. On the one hand, Andrew has a life here in Columbia. He has an apartment and family and a job he doesn’t hate. He’s hesitant to make a change to that normalcy he had grown accustomed to the day Neil had left, taking Andrew’s sense of adventure along with him.

On the other hand, though, Andrew’s job doesn’t depend on him staying in the same place, and Bee had made some good points.

Not to mention the Neil Josten part of the deal. The though of being able to see Neil again after all these years is both the most tempting and the most revolting one he’s had in a while. Andrew wants to stay as far away from Neil as possible just as much as he wants to give his old friend a hug like he used to when they were little. Andrew wants to get to know this new version of Neil who posts on Instagram stories and makes _vlogs_ just as much as he wants to never meet him.

Andrew wants to see if Neil has any new scars. He wonders if the old ones are more faded and warped than they were when they were teenagers. Neil poses without a shirt on plenty of his Instagram photos, but Andrew wants to see them up close again. He wants to check on the ones that are always hidden, like the crater-like dip of a bullet scar that’s nestled deep into Neil’s right hip.

Andrew wants to uphold the fact that he hates Neil Josten, but he can’t deny himself the facts. The fact that Andrew misses Neil too.

The choice is clear.

~

Andrew still hates flying just as much as he had when he was a kid. It has been a few years since Andrew had a reason to be on one of these flying death traps, and he’s unsurprised that _of course_ it’s still because of Neil. 

Andrew had gone on many trips with Neil over the years they’d known each other. He still remembers the way his stomach had turned itself inside out on his first takeoff, the way Neil had held one of Andrew’s tiny hands in both of his.

Neil had always made up little games to keep Andrew occupied during takeoff and touchdown, and now that he’s alone, he finds himself far more anxious than he’s been in a while.

This is the first time Andrew has ever flown without Neil, and he hates how much harder it is to manage by himself.

The flight is long; about six hours in the air, and he doesn’t manage to fall asleep while surrounded by strangers. Bored and anxious, Andrew wonders what Neil will be like after all this time. It’s been a little over five years since they’ve last seen each other, and only a little less than that when they’d last spoken. Andrew wonders if Neil still has the same sharp tongue he’d had growing up, and immediately scoffs at that— of course Neil is still as much of a menace as he’d always been. On the days Andrew feels especially self-loathing, he watches Neil’s YouTube channel, which displays the same spitfire personality Andrew has always known.

If anything, Neil seems to have become more confident and secure in his life. He’s been thriving without Andrew. Neil has an idiotic group of friends he hangs out with and travels with instead of Andrew. He has millions of followers and never pays for a trip anymore. He might’ve even found someone he could trust enough to kiss.

Andrew wonders what the hell he’s doing here, on a plane, currently halfway across the country to travel with a man he hardly knows anymore. A man who had clearly moved on from him, and was clearly doing better than he would have ever been able to with Andrew holding him back.

Except Neil hadn’t moved on, Andrew reminds himself as the plane begins it’s decent. Neil had reached out to Andrew after all these years. He’d sent him a _letter_ for God’s sake. Neil had put in the effort to call Bee and ask for Andrew’s address, and he’d cared enough to invite him on a trip once again.

Neil had told Andrew he missed him.

As the plane rolls to a stop, Andrew wonders what to expect when he steps out into the airport. Will Neil be waiting for him, or will Andrew be forced to call him and finally tell him his decision? Will there be an entourage of Neil’s stupid friends waiting for him, cameras rolling?

No, surely Neil would know how little Andrew would appreciate that. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Andrew barely knows Neil anymore, and that’s with his perfect memory and access to Neil’s YouTube channel. Andrew can only imagine how in the dark Neil feels about Andrew’s life when all he does is post on Instagram maybe once a year.

Andrew finally forces his mind to quiet as he makes his way to the baggage claim. Neil had completely neglected to tell Andrew where they would be going in his letter, so Andrew had been more than unsure of what to pack. He’d brought lots of layers, with everything from swim trunks to sweaters. Nothing heavier than that, because even after all the years they’ve spent apart, Neil should still know not to bring him to a place that dips under 40 degrees in the summertime. If Neil says they’re going to Antarctica or some shit, Andrew is taking the first flight home, no questions asked.

Andrew finally makes it to his baggage claim, standing to wait for the suitcases to start falling out while he covertly searches for a shock of auburn hair.

Andrew doesn’t find that, but he does find a man in a beanie holding an enormous sign that says ‘MINYARD’. The man is unrecognizable, his face hidden behind the sign and hair hidden beneath the beanie, but Andrew knows it’s Neil. The way he holds himself has only changed slightly, and the sight of nimble fingers tapping on the edge of the sign impatiently is a dead giveaway.

Just to be annoying, Andrew waits to get his bag before he goes over to greet Neil. Catching his blue-eyed stare more than once while he waits.

Finally, Andrew grabs his bag and strolls as casually as he can manage to stand in front of Neil. Neil lowers the sign, and after five years, Andrew finally meets those blue eyes head-on.

For a moment, they just stare at each other. With Neil Josten right in front of him once again, Andrew doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Neil seems to share the sentiment. His cheeks are flushed red and his eyes are darting over Andrew. Finally, he says, “You came.”

His voice is almost the same as Andrew remembers. Natural and smooth like when they were teenagers, but lower than it sounds in his vlogs. Andrew closes his eyes for a moment to let it wash over him. When he opens them again, Neil is looking at him in that way Andrew has always hated: open and trusting and soft. Andrew glances away from him, feeling emotions he’d locked away years ago pushing back up to the surface, nudging their way to the forefront of Andrew’s mind. Presently, Andrew just gestures to himself, “Obviously.”

“I didn’t think you would.”

“You didn’t?”

Neil sighs, looking down at his feet, “I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if you would want to see me.” He looks back up to Andrew, eyes burning into his, “Andrew, after I left I—” Neil cuts himself off as a group of teenagers runs past them, “Never mind. We can talk about that later; lets get to the car.”

Andrew just nods, feeling at a loss. He doesn’t know what he’s doing here, and he already feels out of place when he’s barely been in LA for ten minutes.

Andrew follows Neil out to a rental car, and is only surprised for a moment about the fact that Neil doesn’t have his own— it wouldn’t make any sense for him to have a car when he travels for a living. All it would do is take up space and suck up money for parking.

Neil slides into the drivers seat, leaving Andrew to the passengers side, and while Andrew is grateful to not have to navigate LA, it feels strange and wrong to not be in the drivers seat when Neil beside him.

They stay silent until they’re about ten minutes away from the airport, when Neil breaks the silence to say, “Thankfully I don’t live downtown. My apartment is about ten minutes out.”

“I never took you as the LA type.”

Neil laughs, “Nobody is the LA type. The only reason I live here is because my friends do, and it’s not like I’m here often anyway.”

“It seems to me that there would be cheaper places to keep an apartment you don’t use.”

“I can afford it.”

“Right.” Of course he can afford it. Neil isn’t living a normal life anymore; he arguably had never lived one; Neil has always been larger than Columbia and everyone had always known that. Andrew had known that. Even still, now Neil’s traveling the world for free, living in LA, and making YouTube videos for millions of people, and that’s something Andrew would have never expected of him.

When Andrew had known Neil, they had both been very private people. Neil is still the only person besides his family and therapist who knows about the gritty details of Andrew’s past. Andrew used to be the only one who knew about Neil’s secrets, though he doubts that still stands. Neil’s annoying friends seem incredibly attached to him in a way that suggests they know everything about him.

Andrew couldn’t care less about that, obviously.

Neil had turned the radio to a classical station he knows Andrew favors, and he’s humming along quietly to the tune. Andrew watches him out of the corner of his eye, the air conditioner blowing auburn hair gently out of Neil’s face, moving the coils back and forth by his delicate ear. Andrew used to play endlessly with those curls, pulling them out straight and watching them bounce back into place.

Andrew rips his eyes away, looking out the passages window at the city as the car crawls through traffic. Andrew has never seen the appeal of the city, and he still doesn’t as he looks out the window. There are far too many people milling about for a Tuesday afternoon.

Eventually, they arrive to an apartment complex just outside the city. Neil puts the car into park and immediately rounds to the trunk to pull out Andrew’s suitcase, grunting as he lifts it out of the trunk and looking at Andrew incredulously. “Did you pack the entire town of Columbia in this?”

Andrew rolls his eyes at Neil’s typical dramatics. “You didn’t tell me where we’re going. I came prepared.”

“You packed like a white suburban mom taking a beach trip.”

“I _am_ two of those things.”

Neil chuckles softly, shaking his head at Andrew exasperatedly. “We need to pack light for this trip. We’ll go through your stuff when we get inside.”

“Will we now?”

“Yep,” Neil says excitedly, “I can wait to tell you what to pack again, Drew. It’ll be like old times.”

Andrew feels a burst of warmth pass through him at the old nickname. Nobody else has ever called him Drew; it has always been Neil’s name for him, and nobody else ever dared to take away from that. Now though, the warmth of it feels tainted by the fact that Neil hadn’t been able to call him that in over five years.

Andrew feels himself shutting down as he follows Neil up to his apartment, and he knows Neil can sense it too. Andrew knows it would be far too easy to just forget what had happened between them and fall back into their old rhythm, but they can’t, and they both understand that. They can’t pretend that they had grown apart, because that would be— as Bee and his therapist would tell him— unhealthy. If they want to give their friendship a second chance, they need to work through their issues, and Andrew doesn’t know if he has the strength to do so.

Andrew has never been strong enough for Neil Josten.

~

For the rest of the day, Neil and Andrew order food, watch TV, and talk about nonsensical things, both unwilling to dive into the serious conversations just yet. After dinner, Neil showes him how to use the shower and makes tea for himself and hot chocolate for Andrew.

Andrew goes to bed before 10, jet lagged and exhausted.

The next morning, Andrew walks out into the living room and sees that Neil has dumped out the entirety of Andrew’s meticulously packed suitcase onto the carpet. Andrew scowls at him, but Neil just smiles sheepishly as he rummages through the pile.

He’s sitting cross legged on the carpet in a tank top and shorts, scars on display in a way he would have never been comfortable with five years ago. Andrew sits down on the opposite side of the mess, watching Neil make piles Andrew can’t make sense of.

Neil is mumbling to himself as he sorts, and he stands up suddenly to go to his room, coming back a moment later with a handful of mesh fabric. Andrew raises an eyebrow and Neil explains, “They’re packing cubes. Allison told me about them and I use them for longer trips now.”

Andrew nods, and Neil begins to place all of Andrew’s pants in one of the cubes, allowing it to overflow and then zipping it up so it’s small and compact. He places the shirts and sweaters into another cube and does the same.

Neil lifts up a hoodie from the pile, beginning to explain to Andrew why he should wear it on the plane, when he looks back down, face flushing immediately as he stares down at the small box of condoms and tube of lube he’d uncovered, and he looks away quickly. “Um,” he says, stilted.

Andrew just stares at him, beyond amused. It seems as if maybe past Neil and present Neil have more in common than Andrew thought. “You never know,” is all Andrew says about it.

Neil’s ears burn brighter still, and Andrew almost smiles at the sight. “Right,” Neil clears his throat, placing the items in a smaller packing cube along with Andrews socks, underwear, and swim trunks.

In the end, Neil leaves out quite a few things Andrew had packed, including not one, not two, but _three_ jumbo sized toothpastes. (Two months is a long time, okay Josten?)

The rest of that day is rather boring. Neil and Andrew order some more food for both lunch and dinner because Neil literally has _nothing_ in his fridge, and by the time it’s midnight, they’re leaving Neil’s fancy LA apartment behind and catching a flight.

Andrew, despite his best efforts to find out, still has no idea where they’re going first or how long the flight will be. Neil doesn’t even let him look at his ticket.

Eventually though, Andrew spots the sign above their gate that boasts: ‘LAX —> HIA’.

Andrew glares at Neil after looking up the name, “Hawaii? Really?”

Neil smiles at him, “What’s wrong with Hawaii?”

“I just thought you were paid to take pictures in never-before seen places or something.”

“Who told you that? I go to the same places all the time, and since you’re here with me, I thought we should start out with a classic.”

Andrew scoffs. He obviously hadn’t known what to expect, but Honolulu as their first stop was even more outrageous than he’d been prepared for.

Once they’re stuck on the plane together, Neil distracting Andrew with a game of seated charades, Neil finally drops the kicker, “Oh, and I hope you’re prepared to take lots of pictures.”

Andrew glares at him again, but the effect is null when he has to clutch onto the armrest when they hit some turbulence.

After a few hours, Neil falls asleep next to him with his head on Andrew’s shoulder, his auburn hair tickling his neck.

Andrew can’t stop himself from snapping a mental picture, once again asking himself what he’s doing here. Here, with Neil’s head on his shoulder, thousands of miles from Columbia.

What has Andrew gotten himself into?

~

When they land in Honolulu, Neil is greeted immediately by a crew of people who really want to show him around. Neil accepts their offer to show them to their hotel, but otherwise declines their invitations. They’re both ushered off to an incredibly fancy, no doubt incredibly expensive hotel, where they’re led up to a room that overlooks the clear blues and greens of the ocean.

In the room, there are two full sized beds, a connecting kitchen, an enormous bathroom with a jacuzzi, a little seating area off to the side, and a spacious balcony.

Not for the first time today, Andrew is unsure of what to do with himself. He stares around the fancy hotel room, at a loss. Neil looks so at home around the expenses and luxury, elegant and regal even still in his airport outfit. His jaw is sharp and thin, and his thighs flex as he squats down to unzip his suitcase, pulling out a change of clothes. Neil and Andrew had both shed their hoodies when they’d landed, but the thick humidity in the Hawaiin air had seeped through their clothes easily.

While Neil steps into the bathroom, Andrew opens the glass balcony door, standing at the railing and gazing out over the expanse of the ocean. The stark whites and creams of the sand contrast with the crystalline greens and blues of the shifting water. The air smells salty, but not quite beach-y; it smelled like clear oceans and sticky humidity more than it did seaweed and salt.

Andrew glances back to the door when he hears it open behind him, surprised to see Neil clothed in only swim trunks. Andrew raises an eyebrow at the man, and Neil only grins, “Get changed! I want to go rent a surfboard.”

“We just got here, Josten,” Andrew sighs, but the excited look on Neil’s face is more than motivation enough.

The sight of him shirtless isn’t too bad either.

Andrew changes in the bathroom quickly, and when he comes back out, Neil has a jar of… something in his hand as he sticks a few things into a beach bag. Andrew raises and eyebrow in question, but Neil just shrugs his shoulders.

They head down to the lobby and are picked up an Uber Neil must have ordered for them. Neil asks the driver to take them to a surf shop, where they pick up a surfboard to share.

When they finally arrive at the beach, Neil unpacks his bag, taking out the jar and rubbing smears of the contents on the board, along with on his own tummy, thighs, and upper arms.

“Why are you lubing yourself up?”

Neil chokes on a laugh, “It’s petroleum jelly, Drew. It protects against board burn.”

“That seems excessive.”

“Oh man, you should have seen me when I first started surfing. Rashes everywhere. It’s no joke.”

Andrew can’t stop his frown. Even after all these years, the thought of Neil hurting, even from something as minor as board burn, is upsetting to think about.

Neil must see it on his face, because he softens his expression, scooping up some of the jelly and offering it to Andrew. “Can I?”

Andrew’s heart races at the implication, but he nods nonetheless, allowing Neil to massage the jelly into the expanse of his chest and abs. Neil looks down at him again before moving onto his arms, rubbing the jelly from his armpit to the inside of his elbow when he receives a nod. Neil doesn’t mention the absence of armbands or the presence of the same scars he’d seen time and time again.

When he’s done, Neil looks him over, deciding that his swim shorts are long enough to protect his thighs, and leads him to the water, where Neil makes Andrew stay on the shore for the first few waves he catches so he can watch him and take pictures for his Instagram.

After, Neil invites Andrew into the water finally, pulling out a small go-pro from his bag, beginning to film. While he does this, Andrew wades into the warm water, amazed by the clearness of the water— the pure-ness of it all.

After a few minutes Neil joins him and asks if he cares if he was on camera or not. At Andrew’s noncommittal shrug, Neil grins, pulling up the camera from around his neck, turning it so they’re both in the video. “This is my old friend Andrew! We’re gonna be teaching him how to surf this week, so get ready to laugh.”

Andrew scoffs, turning to the board and beginning to paddle away with it, Neil’s laugh echoing behind him.

For the next few hours, Neil tries to teach Andrew how to balance on the board and paddle through waves, laughing whenever he panics and flips himself over when particularly tall ones crashes over him.

After Andrew’s had enough, and the waves get too large for a beginner, he stands in the chest deep water and watches with grudging respect as Neil easily rides in waves to the shore, twisting his board back and forth mid-run, waving to Andrew, not even having to use his arms to balance, sometimes even using them both to film his point of view on his go-pro.

It’s… fun, and by the time the two of them arrive back to the hotel, the sun is setting and they’re too tired to do anything more than shower and order room service before crashing into bed.

~

For the rest of their two weeks in Hawaii, Neil continues to teach Andrew to surf, claiming he needed to be ready for New Zealand one day, where apparently the waves were the absolute best in the world.

Andrew can’t ignore the implication of that statement. _One day._ One day, not on this trip, Neil wanted to go to New Zealand with him— it’s a daunting thought, but not necessarily an unpleasant one.

Neil continues to film his Hawaii vlog for the rest of the trip, and Andrew continues to take his pictures and be awkward when Neil films him. On their last day, Neil films an outro for the vlog and quickly adds it onto the end of the already edited video, uploading it in the airport as they wait at their gate.

Andrew downloads it before they board so he can watch it on the plane.

Yesterday, Andrew had been told that their next stop is in Cuzco, Peru, and almost shit himself. Neil knows, of course, that ever since they’d learned about the Incas in ninth grade, Andrew had began a strange obsession with the ancient city. The thought of being able to visit almost makes the absurdly long flight worst it.

Andrew does manage to fall asleep this time, and when he wakes, the plane is descending and Neil is staring down at him.

“Wake up, sleepyhead, we’re at Disneyland!”

For a split second, Andrew’s sleep addled mind is confused, and it must be written on his face because Neil chuckles, standing up when they’re finally allowed off the plane. As soon as Andrew walks out of the airplane, he’s struck by the view outside of the floor-to-ceiling windows. The city of Cuzco is somehow both urban and mountainous all at once, greenery and desert surrounding steel and city lights.

He feels Neil walk up behind him, “I’ve never been here,” he explains lowly. “Matt and Dan invited me one time, but…” he trails off, coming up to stand beside him, arm brushing against Andrew’s own. “It’s always been your favorite place. It felt wrong to go without you.”

And that’s the kicker, Andrew supposes. He doesn’t know what to do with the fact that Neil turned down an amazing trip, probably an amazing amount of cash, just because he didn’t want to go without Andrew. It’s enough to bring him to his metaphorical knees.

Andrew doesn’t know what he’d done to deserve this; this chance to visit his favorite place, with the man who has always been his favorite person, even when he wasn’t around. 

~

When Andrew and Neil finally step up to the top of Machu Picchu, Andrew almost feels like passing out —not only from the heinous hike their tour guide had led them up. 

He’s here, visiting a place he’d only ever dreamt of, looking out over lush green and sky blues.

Crumbling architecture and yellowing stone, the scent of crisp mountain air and the sounds of rushing water fill Andrew’s senses, and he takes a minute to take it all in, vaguely aware of Neil talking to his camera, but unable to tear his eyes away from the ancient city and pillowing greenery.

When Andrew finally looks away, it’s to find Neil already staring at him, camera back around his neck, eyes soft.

This sights is even more difficult to look away from— Neil Josten, green grass and mountain peaks as his back drop, completely at ease, as he is nearly anywhere in the world.

Andrew clears his throat, “Thank you, idiot.”

“Thank you for coming with me. For deciding to give this a chance.”

~

For the rest of the tour, Andrew takes pictures of Neil, and this time allows Neil to take some of him, and when they finally arrive back at their hotel, Andrew posts one of his favorites to his neglected Instagram account, which had gotten an a frankly absurd amount of denied following requests after Neil’s Hawaii vlog, despite the fact that Neil hadn’t said anything about him besides his first name.

He posts the photo with no caption and turns his phone off, going to sit on the windowsill by Neil to watch him edit his videos from today.

After he’s done editing, Neil goes back to his Hawaii vlog and scrolls idly through the comments, liking a few of them. Andrew is zoning out from his spot on the windowsill, looking over the mountainous city, when he hears Neil suddenly say, “Oh no.”

Andrew rolls his head to the other shoulder, “What?”

Neil laughs quietly, “Oh no…”

“ _What?”_

“They’re… they’re _shipping_ us.”

 _Ah,_ Andrew thinks, _that check out._ Neil is the only single one out of his little travel entourage, and his fans don’t hesitate to ‘ship’ him with any new person he posts with, despite Neil’s insistence that he isn’t into dating.

“That’s… normal, right?”

Neil sighs, still chuckling quietly, “It would be, yeah. But they’re like… _really_ shipping us, Drew. They’re making gifs on twitter _.”_ Neil turns his phone toward Andrew, and yes, those are definitely gifs. There’s one of Andrew play-punching Neil, one of Neil flipping Andrew’s surfboard. There’s one of them literally just making eye contact.

There’s even, as Neil scrolls down, some gifs of just Andrew. One of him walking out of the ocean and glaring at Neil has the caption: _Oh my god. How could he keep him from us?_ along with a few choice emojis. It has 800 likes.

“Your fans are insane,” Andrew states as he comes across an photo of an angry-looking girl with the caption: _hey, @neiljos10, tell your bitchboy to accept my follow request :)._

Neil nods in agreement, but he looks fond. “They like to mess with me because I mess with them. You should accept her request. That’d be funny as hell.”

Andrew shakes his head, but still searches up the girl on Instagram and allows her to follow him.

Neil laughs and clicks on the girls twitter profile, where not even 30 seconds later she posts a photo of a blurry, panicked-looking hamster with the caption: _GUYS HE ACCEPTED MY REQUEST I CANT MAKE THIS SHIT UP WHOS GONNA PAY ME TO LEAK HIS PICS???!!_

Andrew goes back to Instagram and blocks her, just to be a jerk, and Neil shakes his head in exasperation, fondness written over his face.

Before bed, Andrew goes to take a bath in the enormous bathtub, enjoying a view of the city from _inside the bath_.

While Andrew’s relaxing on his phone, listening to a podcast, he almost drops his phone into the tub when it vibrates between his hands, clicking on the link Neil had sent him, where the same girl from earlier had tweeted out Andrew’s ten instagram photo’s with the caption: _he blocked me but I was too quick <:) LOOK AT THE PICTURE OF HIM AND NEIL THEY MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE TEN IM SOBBING_

The picture in question was a photo of them in front of the Eiffel Tower, not a selfie like the Polaroids, but one Stuart had taken of them, their arms wrapped around each other’s backs, Neil smiling big and Andrew’s mouth quirked.

Andrew spends a few minutes going through Neil’s tags on Twitter, amusing himself with the stupidity of his fans, eventually stumbling upon a tweet from someone who had scrolled all the way back through Neil’s literal thousands of Instagram photos and found a bunch of him and Neil together. Andrew looks through those pictures, and feels himself missing the man literally twenty feet away from him. That’s when Andrew decides it’s time to go to bed.

Andrew falls asleep easily, dreaming of lush green grass and mountain tops.

~

Neil and Andrew visit Machu Picchu three more times during their two week stay in Cuzco, and Andrew formally decides that it’s his favorite place in the world. 

Aside from too many hikes, the two of them had visited ancient temples, farmers markets, festivals, and a little artisan town called San Blas, where Neil had surprised Andrew by taking him to a chocolate tasting.

Of course, Andrew is still working during this trip, and it’s almost alarming how easy it is for him to keep track of things. He doesn’t know how he’s going to go back to daily life after this, especially when daily life seems so easy _during_ this.

This time, Neil doesn’t tell him were they’re going until they’re strapped into the airplane, which Andrew find extremely suspicious.

Then he finds out they’re going to Iceland. Why Iceland?

“Why Iceland?” Andrew asks.

Neil laughs, “It’s one of my favorite places to visit. You’re going to love the hot springs.”

“It sounds cold.”

“ _You’re_ the one who told _me_ about the Viking thing, Drew, you know it’s not cold.”

Andrew just hums, falling asleep eventually, thanks to the insane length of the flight.

They land in Reykjavik eventually, and Andrew is pleased to find that, while it is chilly for summer, it’s not necessarily cold, though he will definitely be needing those sweaters.

Neil rents a car for this trip, since they will apparently be staying in a cabin as opposed to a hotel. Andrew drives them this time, Neil giving him directions from the passengers seat until they finally arrive at their cabin after about an hour and a half of driving.

They take a few minutes to explore, and Andrew unpacks his suitcase in his room while Neil talks to his camera, giving the strange people who watch him a tour of the cabin as well. It’s nice, but not large or frivolous, which Andrew appreciates. It’s one floor, and there are two bedrooms, two bathrooms (both with jacuzzis), a living room, a kitchen area, along with a small hot tub on the porch, and a wrap-around porch.

Andrew is finishing unpacking when he hears Neil’s ‘vlog voice’ getting louder. Right before Neil rounds the corner, Andrew has half the mind to cover the condoms still in his suitcase with a black sweater. Neil’s fans would have a _field day_ if they saw that, especially with all the new gifs that had been made after the Cuzco vlog. 

“—and here’s Andrew, hiding from me as usual.” Andrew gives him the finger, to which Neil only sticks his tongue out and continues on to his room across the hall, “I know you guys will be sad to hear that, yes, there are still two beds…”

Andrew shakes his head, heading out to the kitchen to rummage around in the bags of groceries they’d picked up, making a pizza in the oven. Neil joins him shortly after for dinner, and they fall asleep on the couch in the middle of a movie in a language neither of them can speak, heads knocked together like they were in that Polaroid still sitting in Andrew’s shoebox.

~

The next day, Neil takes Andrew to the Blue Lagoon, despite Andrew’s hesitance to go swimming outside in 50 degree weather.

When they arrive, Neil leads him to a locker room where they get changed and store their clothes, walking back outside. The cool air hits him and Andrew can’t help his shiver, wondering if this is all some elaborate prank to get him to wear nothing but swim trunks in a country named _Iceland._ Neil just grins at him though, and he leads him to the water as he talks to his camera once again, explaining the situation and poking fun at Andrew’s very reasonable complaints.

Finally, Andrew is close enough to see the pillowy white steam wafting off the spring, the water a clear crystalline blue-green. When Andrew submerges himself, it’s warm on his chilled skin, and looks up at Neil, who’s pointing the camera at him still, “It’s nice, right Drew?”

“It’s alright. Why is the ground squishy?”

“Always a nitpicker,” Neil sighs, lowering the camera and climbing into the spring as well, immediately driving under the water, resurfacing with a handful of stinky grey slime.

“What the _fuck_ is that?”

“It’s clay. You’re supposed to cover yourself with it, and they have some specially sanitized for your face, too.”

Andrew looks on distastefully as Neil smears the slime over his shoulders and torso, but allows him to cover his shoulders with it without too much resistance. After, they go up to the edge of the lagoon for some of the sanitized clay and cover their faces with it. Neil can’t stop laughing as he rubs the slime on Andrew’s face, and he pulls out his camera once again, pointing it at Andrew while he laughs and shakes behind it. “Do you feel rejuvenated, Drew?” he asks once he calms down a little.

“Like a princess,” Andrew deadpans, sending Neil into another laughing fit.

~

After a few hours at the lagoon, Andrew is loathe to admit that both he and Neil _are_ glowing from the clay. They’d cooked a simple dinner after arriving back at the cabin, and now they are laying side-by-side on the balcony, lounge chairs pressed together as Andrew pointed out constellations, explaining the stories behind them lowly.

Andrew is almost dozing off, comfortable and warm in his sweater with Neil’s heat beside him, when he hears a loud gasp to his left. Andrew cracks his eyes open in question, but his breath is quickly stolen as well.

The sky is awash with color, green with edges of red swirling and zig-zagging slowly and without rhythm or direction. The lights move along the sky, the stars parting way for them and beside him, Andrew hears Neil whisper a quiet, “This is the best part of Iceland.”

Suddenly it’s not about the lights anymore. Andrew turns his head, watching the colors swirl in the reflections in Neil’s eyes, watching them pass behind him. Neil’s turned onto his side as well, shuffling closer to Andrew, reaching out his hand, hovering it over his cheek, letting it rest there when Andrew gives him a nod. He runs gentle fingers through Andrew’s hair, “Your hair is green.”

“Your face is green.”

Neil chuckles, and Andrew finally breaks, allowing himself to bring his hand up as well; to finally touch Neil after so many years. The relief Andrew feels when his fingertips brush Neil’s skin is almost embarrassing, and he lets out a breath, pulling gently on the dark red coils of hair he’s always loved to play with.

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks lowly, resting his palm on Neil’s cheek.

Neil sighs into his touch, whispers “Yes,” and it’s there, under the moving Northern Lights, in the middle of nowhere Iceland, that Andrew finally kisses Neil Josten.

It’s something he’s been stopping himself from doing since they were teenagers, and its something he’s never going to be able to forget now that he’s done it.

Neil inhales sharply when their lips brush, fingers tightening in Andrew’s hair to keep him close.

Nothing Andrew could have ever imagined could have possibly prepared him for this. The rush of Neil’s mouth is cool and soft over Andrew’s own, and the dip of Neil’s waist is intoxicating when his hand finds it.

Andrew kisses Neil softly, and the years they’d lost makes no difference here, where Neil is kissing him back, opening his mouth for him, opening up for him in every possible way.

When Andrew finally pulls back, the lights have moved across the sky incrementally, and Neil curls back into him as they watch them writhe to an unheard tune.

They kiss again a few more times before heading inside, and when Neil crawls into bed alongside Andrew, he just curls himself around the other man’s back, falling asleep warm and safe, the green glow of the Northern Lights spilling in from the window.

~

The next morning, Andrew wakes up to Neil shuffling in front of him, shifting in his arms.

When Andrew cracks his eyes open, squinting against the sunlight, he sees that Neil is still asleep, head buried in his pillow to keep the sun at bay. Andrew allows himself to smile as he looks at the man in front of him and remembers the events of last night. It seems unreal to be able to hold Neil in his arms again after all this time. To be able to finally kiss Neil, after suppressing that urge for literal decades.

Ah. Speaking of suppressing urges, during their teenage years, they had slept in the same bed a lot during sleepovers, and Andrew’s body had always become very… aware of Neil’s presence in his bed.

It seems as if that embarrassing little quirk had stuck all the way to adulthood.

Andrew shifts his hips back, needing his crotch as far away from Neil’s ass as possible in order to get himself under control. He also takes a few sips of water from his glass on the nightstand to wash the staleness of sleep out of his mouth.

Unfortunately, when Andrew moves, Neil finally begins to wake beside him, taking a few sips of his own water and then twisting around in his arms to face Andrew, smiling at him sleepily. He looks so soft like this, hair frizzy and eyes droopy, clinging to Andrew’s arms. “Morning.”

Neil yawns, blinking his eyes wider to wake himself up more, “Morning, Drew,” he mumbles.

Andrew watches Neil wake up slowly, until he’s finally fully awake and asking, “Can I kiss you?”

Andrew feels his stomach swoop low in his gut at the question, and he nods.

This kiss starts out just as soft as last night’s, but there’s a desperate edge to it that hadn’t been present before, and it quickly deepens. Neil groans softly into his mouth when Andrew takes his lip between his teeth, and the noise makes Andrew hold Neil closer.

Andrew lets his hand roam along Neil’s side as the other slides into Neil’s coiled hair. He feels Neil sigh against his mouth when Andrew scratches gently at his scalp, and then make a noise of surprise when Andrew grabs his ass with his other hand.

Eventually, Andrew pulls Neil on top of him to straddle his lap and sits up against the headboard, kiss growing more desperate as they being to move against each other. Andrew’s hands are holding Neil’s ass, pulling him into him as they roll against each other.

After a few minutes of this, Neil lets out a quiet whine of “Drew,” and Andrew can’t take it anymore. He flips them around, cradling the back of Neil’s head and setting him gently back onto the sheets. Andrew kisses him one last time before standing up and going over to his suitcase to grab the (apparently useful) supplies. Neil laughs when Andrew comes back to bed with his stash, “I guess they came in handy after all.”

Andrew ignores that innuendo, instead tugging at Neil’s shirt in question. Neil nods and allows Andrew to strip off his shirt, lifting his hips up to kick off his boxers without being prompted.

Andrew leans back to strip off his own shirt, stopping short at the sight of Neil laying naked beneath him, only spurred back into action by Neil’s impatient whine.

After undressing, Andrew grabs the lube and begins stretching Neil, scoffing to himself. “I can’t believe I’m fucking you in fucking _Iceland,”_ he grumbles.

Neil grins cheekily as Andrew’s putting the condom on, “You’re fucking me? I can’t feel anything…”

Andrew rolls his eyes, kissing him as he finally pushes in, “Smart-mouth.”

Neil’s eyes are fluttering shut as he whispers, “Yeah,” and then they don’t talk much more for a little while.

Andrew allows himself to get lost in Neil; to come undone over Neil, sensations and emotions swelling up and overflowing within him, as he watches Neil do the same.

They kiss as they come down from their highs, sighing and relaxing against each other.

Neil lets out a sigh as he stretches his arms up, “Well that was enjoyable.”

“Glad to know I’ve passed,” Andrew states drily, rolling off of Neil and giving him one last peck on the cheek.

“With flying colors,” Neil adds, standing up and stretching once more, following Andrew to the bathroom. Just when Andrew’s about to turn the shower on, Neil enters and asks, “Ooh, can we take a bath Drew?”

“Yes,” says Andrew simply, because he would be stupid to refuse such a request.

“Can we use the jacuzzi?”

“Sure.”

“Will you wash my hair?”

“Don’t push it, Josten.”

~

For the rest of their trip to Iceland, Andrew feels like he’s dreaming. Neil still talks to his camera and takes Instagram pictures, but he also moves his suitcase to Andrew’s room and holds his hand when they walk around downtown, and that’s more than enough.

They go visit a mostly-dormant volcano with an absurdly long name, and Andrew finds a mug for Bee in the gift shop that says: _What part of Eyjafjallajökull don’t you understand?_

Neil drags him along far too many hikes, they see about a million waterfalls, and the country actually begins to grow on Andrew.

The fact that this is the place where Andrew is finally allowed to kiss and touch Neil the way he’s always wanted to really cements that fact, and Andrew thoroughly enjoys making up for lost time with Neil, locked away in their cabin where nothing can touch them.

At the end of every day, Neil and Andrew have dinner together and sit out on the porch to look for the Northern Lights before bed. After that first night, Neil had had a minor freak out about the fact that he hadn’t caught the lights on camera and nearly had a breakdown that night when they couldn’t see them.

Thankfully, they did come back, and they’ve been consistent with appearing once every few days.

Eventually, though, their two weeks are up, and they’re packing their suitcases again and cleaning up the cabin, on another flight before they know it, this time to Paris, France.

It’s the last stop of their little trip, and Neil gives him a sheepish look when he tells Andrew he doesn’t want it to end.

Thankfully, the flight to Paris isn’t as insanely long as the last few have been, and Andrew spends the majority of it with a hand in Neil’s hair as Neil naps on Andrew’s shoulder.

When they arrive in Paris, Andrew is hit with a wave of memories. During their childhood, Neil and he had been there together twice, and they’d visited every attraction there was to see.

Neil leads them to their hotel, and they unpack quickly before heading back out for lunch at a little café, where they hold hands on top of the table like a disgusting couple because Neil wants to.

After lunch, they take a walk, sitting on some benches and taking some pictures, Neil talking to his camera as they roam around.

Neil’s Iceland vlog had gained even more speculation on the subject of their relationship, and there had been quite a few viral tweets from some fans breaking down every little detail of it. Andrew doesn’t mind, per-say, since they’re the ones putting out the content, but it does piss him off when Neil and he are photographed without their knowledge outside a tiny thrift store when Neil was pressing a kiss onto Andrew’s cheek.

Neil apologizes to Andrew with a stressed look on his face when they see the photo on Twitter later that night in their hotel room, but Andrew just kisses him silent, pushing him down onto their bed, where they don’t think about it again until much later.

Neil continues on with his Paris vlog for the rest of their time there, and on their last day, Neil pulls out a Polaroid camera Andrew hasn’t seen in years and they recreate the same photo from before, knocking their heads together, Neil smiling big and Andrew with a fond look in his eye.

When they’re waiting in the airport, Andrew gets a notification that tells him Neil has posted on Instagram, raising an eyebrow at Neil in question, but opening the notification without asking.

It’s a set of three pictures, all taken of Polaroids, all of Neil and Andrew in front of the Eiffel Tower. Andrew scrolls past the one they’d taken today to see the one from when they were teenagers, and then scrolls again to the first photo. The caption says: _It’s always yes with you._

_~_

Four months later, and Andrew places a shipping label on the last box and places it Aaron’s car, looking around his empty apartment. Andrew had sold or donated most of his stuff, only shipping a few boxes of things he wants to take. Last week, Andrew had finally let go of the shitty old Toyota he’s had since high school. It had been an emotional time.

His brother comes out of the bathroom, “I still can’t believe you’re moving to _LA.”_

“Don’t worry, Neil will be lucky if I put up with that city for two weeks, so I’m sure we won’t be there for long.”

Aaron gives him a long look, coming up in front of him and placing a hand on his shoulder. “You have to call us.”

“I will. I’m sure Bee will have something to say about it if I don’t.”

“I don’t just mean Bee. You have to call me too.”

“I will, Aaron.”

His brother lets out a sigh, “Okay.”

Aaron drives him to the post office to ship his boxes, and then they meet Bee for a parting lunch before Andrew’s flight, where she makes him promise to call three times a week and visit for all the holidays. She’d met Neil again for the first time in years a few months ago, when Neil had stayed in Columbia for a few weeks with Andrew to visit his uncle.

Aaron and Bee leave him at the airport and wave after him like idiots for a few minutes, and Andrew allows himself to wave back.

After Andrew tells Neil he’s made it through security, he immediately gets a FaceTime call, wincing at the volume of the ringtone in his earbuds, accepting the call, not even blinking when all that fills the screen is a camera pointed at him.

“Get that shit out of my face,” Andrew tells Neil, who laughs.

Ever since Neil had gone back to LA all those months ago, they’d been navigating long distance surprisingly well for two people who had lost touch because of it previously. Neil had expressed his anxieties about it at first, and Andrew would be lying if he said that it hadn’t been hard, but they’d made it work this time. They couldn’t lose each other a second time— they wouldn’t.

And they didn’t. For the last few months, the two of them had FaceTimed every day. Neil had also introduced Andrew to his insufferable friends over FaceTime, and Andrew was still having a hard time admitting that they weren’t terrible. He even gets Renee’s phone number and begins to talk to her individually, which Andrew will never tell Neil about.

They all seem desperate to meet him, which is extremely embarrassing for both them and Andrew.

On the FaceTime call, Neil is still talking to his camera, “—hear what he just said to you guys? He hates you all!”

“I’ve never been shy about admitting that fact.”

Neil laughs again, turning off the camera, lowering it so Andrew can see his face. His hair is flattened from sleep— it’s only 7 AM in LA— and his eyes are soft as they talk. Neil ends the call with a simple, “I’ll see you later,” and Andrew can’t help the way his stomach flutters as the promise.

Six hours later when Andrew gets off the plane, he’s met by Renee instead of Neil, because Neil was having an online meeting with a company at the same time as Andrew’s plane landing. Neil had apologized endlessly for it, but Andrew doesn’t mind— he can stand Renee well enough.

Renee and Andrew talk in the car on the way to Neil’s— their —apartment, and Andrew agrees to meet her for lunch sometime this week.

Andrew thanks her quietly when she drops him off at the complex, and then he’s finally making his way up to the apartment— to Neil.

Andrew knocks at the door softly, just in case Neil is still in his meeting, but the door swings open immediately after, and then Neil is in Andrew’s arms again, warm and happy, arms wrapped around Andrew as he’s held.

“Welcome home, Drew.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh there’s that! I’ve only actually been to one of the places I wrote about (it was Iceland), so apologies for any incorrect information.  
> I feel like this fic was a little rushed but please let me know how you feel about it if you feel so inclined! Thanks to everyone for reading :)  
> Tumblr is @andrewsbutterflyknife  
> Twitter is @5a5b5p5


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